A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of learning about John. His son, Mark, created a book of the messages and memories that had been shared by his friends and family upon his passing. I looked through it and listened to some of the stories about his life.
He was born in Jamaica and immigrated to Canada in 1960 with enough money to pay for one term at University of New Brunswick. He was a traveller, a gentleman, a musician, an artist; and I’m sure I only heard a small part of who he was. What struck me most, however, was his identity as a father and grandfather.
When I saw these photos, I knew I was looking at a special relationship. In both photos, decades apart, John is smiling with a quiet mixture of pride and enjoyment, his arm around his son like he knows exactly where he wants to be and it’s right where he is. In both photos, John has taken a moment to be really there, really with his son. To have that kind of closeness, and to have it span a child’s entire life, is special.
I read some of the text accompanying these photos, and that’s when I read about John’s relationship with his grandson.
“I must admit his playfulness was heightened in recent years with the arrival of ‘Jack Ewan,’ his absolute pride and joy. No one could prompt John’s strange faces, gooey kisses, and immense smile better than Jack. I will forever remember Jack cuddling up to John in his hospital bed reading a story, looking for one more ‘Pajay’ moment.”
“I know John's loving presence will be with Jack all his days.”
I don’t know if I’ll be able to adequately describe how evocative this was to me. I pictured a man of dignity and etiquette, a man who carried himself with grace and drove a ‘68 MGB, who mixed apertifs at parties and built his own Fenwick fishing rod; and I pictured him cooing at his baby grandson.
As men, we face a ubiquitous message that toughness and stoicism are the way we should raise our boys. To challenge that societal expectation with love and nurturing is, in my mind, one of the things that turns a good man into a great man.
I never knew him. I only heard a handful of stories about him. But when I saw these photos and read about his relationship with his grandson, I felt that I was witnessing the life of a great man.